I was incredibly conflicted in my emotions last night and again this morning. I love my daughter, she is my baby girl, and sometimes she is really good at reminding me she is no longer a baby. She is getting so big and is discovering her independence. That is the heartwarming part, it warms my heart and makes me so happy to see her full of such self confidence and assurance! Those are two attributes I felt I lacked in my childhood years, to no fault of my own parents, but simply because I felt I lacked them. Anyway, back to what she did... I go, as I've done since she was a baby, to go and tuck my kiddos into bed. I start up the stairs and say "I'm coming to tuck kiddos in who are in bed and ready!" and usually I hear giggles or feet rushing to beds. This particular night, instead I hear "NOOOOOO!!!! Wait!!! I don't want anyone to go in my room"
Now at this point, as you fellow parents reading this may have already guessed, I have alarms going off in my head saying "WARNING! WARNING! Something is not right, this child does not want you in her room... what is she up to?!" :-) So I calmly ask "oh... well why not sweetie?" to which I was expecting the response of "beccaaauusseee..." which is the standard response that means "because i'm doing something I shouldn't be and I don't want you to see it" but not tonight.... no tonight, I got an answer I never saw coming.
So I asked "oh.. well why not sweetie?" and she comes back with this... "well mom, i'm almost 7 years old! so i want to tuck myself in and turn off my own light and crack my own door." I was stunned! The thought of not tucking in my own child?! It was one of my favorite parts of the night! Sure, partially because it meant i was going to have some quiet time to myself, but also because I loved the covering her up and kissing her forhead and the big squeeze of a hug I'd get and that last little grin flashed my way as I crack the door.... and now she wants to do it herself!? I certainly want to foster her independence, so I bit my tounge and smiled, holding back a little wave of tears, and said "oh, well okay, but does mommy still get hugs and kisses??" and she grinned a HUGE grin and said "YES! but not in my room, just in the hallway" So I knelt down, got a giant hug and a kiss and watched as she went into her room, turned off her light and as she cracked her own door, I saw a smile on her face so big and all it showed was how exicted she was to be so big! I was so proud of her fearlessness and her confidence!
The next morning, she came running into my room, early as well! She did NOT hit her snooze button, which is out of the ordinary, but she looked like a girl with something to say, so I sat up and said good morning. She bounced into my bed and asked "mom, remember how last night I tucked myself in and cracked my own door?!" boy did I ever remember, it still pulled at my heartstrings to be reminded, yet again, she's getting bigger, so I just said "yes I do! and you did wonderfully!!" at that remark, she grinned and said "well, I am going to do that every night from now on, okay? I don't need you to tuck me in anymore... I mean, I might WANT you to sometimes, but I don't need you to all the times, okay?" So here I am... waking up earlier than usual and finding my amazing baby girl excited to tell me she doesn't need me for this something in her life anymore. I wanted to cry, but I didn't, I simply said "Mommy would LOVE to tuck you in anytime you want me too!!" The she took off to get ready for school.
Why is it we, as parents, get such conflicting emotions as our children grow into the things we wish and pray and hope for for them? I want her to have the confidence she has, I want her to be independent, but I was so sad that she was so independent she didn't need me to tuck her in anymore. And why is it, we seem to be pulled emotionally by what others would call trivial things? I mean, c'mon! We're talking about the fact she no longer needs me to tuck her into bed at night, and at the same time, it's a HUGE part of her childhood and my getting to be the mommy. **SIGH** I suppose it's all in the wonderful joy called "parenting" I never realized the extent of what being a mom meant, until I actually became one. And even now, as my youngest is getting ready to turn 5 and my oldest is coming up on 7, I find there is still a TON I can't even begin to imagine what it will all be like. The thought of both kids getting older scares me to death and is exciting all at the same time. I cannot wait to see the people they grow up to be, but at the same time I could wait a lifetime to see it if it meant I got to always have them as my kiddos....well, that is all for tonight. Both kids are in bed, sleeping.... and yes, she tucked herself in again tonight. I did get the request of "5 extra snuggle minutes mommy?" from Jacob... and who can pass those up?!?! Now that they're in bed sleeping, I think I'll head that way too... it's been a long day and tomorrow is going to come whether I want it to or not.
Good Night All!
Lisa
Now at this point, as you fellow parents reading this may have already guessed, I have alarms going off in my head saying "WARNING! WARNING! Something is not right, this child does not want you in her room... what is she up to?!" :-) So I calmly ask "oh... well why not sweetie?" to which I was expecting the response of "beccaaauusseee..." which is the standard response that means "because i'm doing something I shouldn't be and I don't want you to see it" but not tonight.... no tonight, I got an answer I never saw coming.
So I asked "oh.. well why not sweetie?" and she comes back with this... "well mom, i'm almost 7 years old! so i want to tuck myself in and turn off my own light and crack my own door." I was stunned! The thought of not tucking in my own child?! It was one of my favorite parts of the night! Sure, partially because it meant i was going to have some quiet time to myself, but also because I loved the covering her up and kissing her forhead and the big squeeze of a hug I'd get and that last little grin flashed my way as I crack the door.... and now she wants to do it herself!? I certainly want to foster her independence, so I bit my tounge and smiled, holding back a little wave of tears, and said "oh, well okay, but does mommy still get hugs and kisses??" and she grinned a HUGE grin and said "YES! but not in my room, just in the hallway" So I knelt down, got a giant hug and a kiss and watched as she went into her room, turned off her light and as she cracked her own door, I saw a smile on her face so big and all it showed was how exicted she was to be so big! I was so proud of her fearlessness and her confidence!
The next morning, she came running into my room, early as well! She did NOT hit her snooze button, which is out of the ordinary, but she looked like a girl with something to say, so I sat up and said good morning. She bounced into my bed and asked "mom, remember how last night I tucked myself in and cracked my own door?!" boy did I ever remember, it still pulled at my heartstrings to be reminded, yet again, she's getting bigger, so I just said "yes I do! and you did wonderfully!!" at that remark, she grinned and said "well, I am going to do that every night from now on, okay? I don't need you to tuck me in anymore... I mean, I might WANT you to sometimes, but I don't need you to all the times, okay?" So here I am... waking up earlier than usual and finding my amazing baby girl excited to tell me she doesn't need me for this something in her life anymore. I wanted to cry, but I didn't, I simply said "Mommy would LOVE to tuck you in anytime you want me too!!" The she took off to get ready for school.
Why is it we, as parents, get such conflicting emotions as our children grow into the things we wish and pray and hope for for them? I want her to have the confidence she has, I want her to be independent, but I was so sad that she was so independent she didn't need me to tuck her in anymore. And why is it, we seem to be pulled emotionally by what others would call trivial things? I mean, c'mon! We're talking about the fact she no longer needs me to tuck her into bed at night, and at the same time, it's a HUGE part of her childhood and my getting to be the mommy. **SIGH** I suppose it's all in the wonderful joy called "parenting" I never realized the extent of what being a mom meant, until I actually became one. And even now, as my youngest is getting ready to turn 5 and my oldest is coming up on 7, I find there is still a TON I can't even begin to imagine what it will all be like. The thought of both kids getting older scares me to death and is exciting all at the same time. I cannot wait to see the people they grow up to be, but at the same time I could wait a lifetime to see it if it meant I got to always have them as my kiddos....well, that is all for tonight. Both kids are in bed, sleeping.... and yes, she tucked herself in again tonight. I did get the request of "5 extra snuggle minutes mommy?" from Jacob... and who can pass those up?!?! Now that they're in bed sleeping, I think I'll head that way too... it's been a long day and tomorrow is going to come whether I want it to or not.
Good Night All!
Lisa
That is adorable.....and yes, it happens way to fast....you blink and they are 12 1/2 & almost 11......where has the time gone.....I miss those "tucking in times"......cherish them......I'm trying my best to do the same......
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.....