This is...

Those who know me, know that I have come a very, very long way from the girl I used to be. Those who also know me, know that I have a very active imagination and mind. My mind can get pretty busy with everything that races through it sometimes. Those fears and insecurities I've worked so hard to overcome, do they ever fully go away? I don't know. Sometimes, they pop back up... quietly in the background of my mind and taunt my thoughts, even cause me to doubt myself. Then I look at where I am in life and I wonder if it's the right place; but what is the right place to be in life?! I'm thirty years old, I have two incredibly strong and smart kids and a warm roof over my head... but there are pieces missing, and I wonder sometimes if those pieces are ever meant to be found or is it me hanging on to pipe dreams? How is it I can look around - kids tucked into bed, listening to the rain fall outside while I stay warm and dry with my dog snuggled at my side - and still feel a ...

Wowza.... the things I could go on and on here from the last 2 weeks... but I shall remain focused!  So, my new commitment!  Working with a personal trainer, getting into shape and kicking butt right?!  Well, there's been a minor setback... a bump in the road.  One of my favorite all time quotes is "A bump in the road is either an obstacle to be avoided or an opportunity to be enjoyed; it's all up to you!"   So, this bump in the road - it's not an obstacle, I want it to be an opportunity.  An opportunity to get creative in my workouts, to stay focused and driven even IF I have to hold back, to learn restraint, self-discipline and other areas where I can work on that aren't so physically challenging right now.  OH!!  My bump in the road!  Helps if you know what it is doesn't it?!  Well... it's kinda a funny story.  I got through my fitness assessment in week 1 - good news, I'm not in awful shape, but I'm not in the best shape.  ...

Alright, so guess what?  Those of you who don't know me, I kind of maybe sorta might not be so great at following through on things... **cough,cough,BLOGS,cough** .  I know ... SHOCKER !!!  But it's okay, we all have our faults and the first step to changing something is recognizing the fault and then accepting and embracing the need for change.  YAY!  Okay, that's the easy part.  We can ALL say "here are some of my faults that I am going to change!" but what happens when it's time to follow through?  This girl, right here, sitting at the keyboard will tell you it's the follow through that's not only the hardest part, but in many cases the most scary and/or overwhelming part!  The best way to kick yourself in the rear, and not look like a dummy doing it... I mean c'mon... have you ever kicked your own rear?  There really is no graceful way to do it... but, the best way to kick yourself in the rear and get moving forward is to put in place...

HELLO!!  No, I did not fall off the face of the earth.... I believe I mentioned early on when I started blogging that consistency would not be my strong point; I've done well and proving that point now, haven't I? :)  For me, this space isn't about coming up with something to write on a consistent basis, it's having an outlet where I can take the things that come up in life which light the literary spark inside of me, and share them!  So why today?  Well, today was a rough day.  It's actually been a rocky couple of weeks, but what has struck me over and over again is, in light of it all, smiles have not been lost and life continues to move forward. Today, I was woken up by the sound of my daughter, wheezing and crying and coughing and asking what time the doctors office opened... she had a fever too; good morning to me......    I got her settled and snuggled into my bed, dozing in and out while I got up and got dressed and got ready to go s...