Alright, so I've never been one to buy into the idea that life is easy, but I never thought things could be as difficult as they are sometimes! Sure, there are always going to be things that come up that are crazy difficult... but I'm talking about things that I knew would come, but never could have imagined how hard they were going to be!
I'm talking about my kids. I knew parenting would be hard, and I'll admit, there are pieces that were easier than I thought and pieces that have been harder, but all in all it's been about as difficult as I imagined it would be. This past week was a great example of things being harder than I ever thought they'd be. Sierra has a new friend down the street, very sweet girl. This girl is an only child and is Sierra's age which translates into she and Sierra are instant best friends. I think it's great, all kids should have friends and I was glad to see she was making friends on our block.
So Sierra goes down (just a few houses) to her new friends and asks if she can come out and play. Her friend instead asks if Sierra can play at her house. Sierra came home, asked and I said yes and watched her walk out the front door and on her way for a play date down the street. What shocked me was what I turned around to find... Jacob, with a look of devestation on his face. I asked him "what's wrong sweetheart?" to which he replied "she didn't wait for me to go with her!!" and now the tears have started to well up in his eyes. It's hit me... my son has no concept of the idea that Sierra's friends will not always be his friends and he will not always be invited to their playdates....
I scooped him up and sat down on the couch with him. I told him that Sierra had a new friend, and she was playing at her house. He looked at me and said "but I want to go and play! Can't I go and ask if I can play? Please??" At this point he's crying, more out of what seems to be frustration than anything that he wasn't out playing too. I told him that he could not go this time, it was just Sierra who was invited. He countered my response with "but Sierra and I are always together" which made me tear up! This is the relationship I'd prayed my kids would have... one where they enjoy and want to be around each other rather than fight and hate eachother... well friends, I got what I wanted and it's still really really hard, just in a very different way!
I took a big breath and gave him a giant hug and told him that I know he and Sierra have always played toghether, and it was wonderful that they do play so well together, but Sierra was getting older and she was going to have more and more instances where she would be invited to play or to do something and he would not. He didn't argue with me, he just sat in my lap, and took in what I had just said. And then he looked at me, with what I can only describe as my baby boys first taste of heart break and said "but, will I ever get to play with her again??"
Of course I told him he would, and later that evening, before tucking her in, I sat Sierra down and told her it was great she was making new friends that were just her friends, but to consider that Jacob might want to play with them sometimes, not that she had to invite him everytime, but it would be nice if she did sometimes. She was thrilled at the thought of being able to invite him sometimes, but not being told she had to everytime, so it worked out well.
Here's where I realized how hard it was. I finished tucking in the kiddos, and headed downstairs to do dishes. I just couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, but I was a little edgy and kind of ticked. What was I so upset about?! Talking with Sierra went smoothly, so it wasn't that... I stood there washing dishes, replaying the evening in my head.... and then it hit me. Someone hurt my baby boy, and I was not happy about that!! I had to laugh out loud at myself in that instance! I had just bore witness to my sons very first heart break and I was so mad someone had hurt him! I was laughing at myself because it was my daughter who broke his heart!
Then I thought about when he's older, and in love and his heart is broken for the first time and I teared up, for both of them. The pain of heartache is indescribable and so very unique from any other kind of pain. I wanted, in that instance, to make a silent promise that I would protect them from heartache, from that pain; but I can't... and after a few minutes of thinking on it, I realized I really don't want to protect them from it. It is a life altering experience, and it's something every person needs to live through. It took me to a metaphor my mom used to tell us about raising kids and the painful experiences life throws our way, and I started more and more to understand it (please keep in mind, it's a metaphor- the truck is a metaphor for pain)..... It starts when your kids are younger,you see them in the street and there is a big truck (something painful) so you run out and save them from getting hit.... a little older, you see them in the street and the truck is coming so you tell them what to do, to move, and you let them save themselves with your guidance.... then when they're in their teens you see the truck coming but you can't save them this time, so you watch as the truck (pain) hits them and you run out and help them get back up.... and lastly, when they're moving into adulthood, or are adults you see them in the street, and you see the truck coming, and you can't say anything... you watch the truck hit them, and you go to the side of the street and you encourage them, telling them you know they can do this, as they pick themselves back up....
Now I'm sure I didn't get that right, the way my mom always told us, but still, you get the idea :) It just hit me though, you know? I can't save them from all the pain the rest of their lives... I can teach them how to handle it, and that we can survive it and move forward, even when it seems all odds are against us. It was a very eye opening evening, and one of the many, many times I found myself grateful for the wisdom and knowledge my mom has always openly shared.
I'm talking about my kids. I knew parenting would be hard, and I'll admit, there are pieces that were easier than I thought and pieces that have been harder, but all in all it's been about as difficult as I imagined it would be. This past week was a great example of things being harder than I ever thought they'd be. Sierra has a new friend down the street, very sweet girl. This girl is an only child and is Sierra's age which translates into she and Sierra are instant best friends. I think it's great, all kids should have friends and I was glad to see she was making friends on our block.
So Sierra goes down (just a few houses) to her new friends and asks if she can come out and play. Her friend instead asks if Sierra can play at her house. Sierra came home, asked and I said yes and watched her walk out the front door and on her way for a play date down the street. What shocked me was what I turned around to find... Jacob, with a look of devestation on his face. I asked him "what's wrong sweetheart?" to which he replied "she didn't wait for me to go with her!!" and now the tears have started to well up in his eyes. It's hit me... my son has no concept of the idea that Sierra's friends will not always be his friends and he will not always be invited to their playdates....
I scooped him up and sat down on the couch with him. I told him that Sierra had a new friend, and she was playing at her house. He looked at me and said "but I want to go and play! Can't I go and ask if I can play? Please??" At this point he's crying, more out of what seems to be frustration than anything that he wasn't out playing too. I told him that he could not go this time, it was just Sierra who was invited. He countered my response with "but Sierra and I are always together" which made me tear up! This is the relationship I'd prayed my kids would have... one where they enjoy and want to be around each other rather than fight and hate eachother... well friends, I got what I wanted and it's still really really hard, just in a very different way!
I took a big breath and gave him a giant hug and told him that I know he and Sierra have always played toghether, and it was wonderful that they do play so well together, but Sierra was getting older and she was going to have more and more instances where she would be invited to play or to do something and he would not. He didn't argue with me, he just sat in my lap, and took in what I had just said. And then he looked at me, with what I can only describe as my baby boys first taste of heart break and said "but, will I ever get to play with her again??"
Of course I told him he would, and later that evening, before tucking her in, I sat Sierra down and told her it was great she was making new friends that were just her friends, but to consider that Jacob might want to play with them sometimes, not that she had to invite him everytime, but it would be nice if she did sometimes. She was thrilled at the thought of being able to invite him sometimes, but not being told she had to everytime, so it worked out well.
Here's where I realized how hard it was. I finished tucking in the kiddos, and headed downstairs to do dishes. I just couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, but I was a little edgy and kind of ticked. What was I so upset about?! Talking with Sierra went smoothly, so it wasn't that... I stood there washing dishes, replaying the evening in my head.... and then it hit me. Someone hurt my baby boy, and I was not happy about that!! I had to laugh out loud at myself in that instance! I had just bore witness to my sons very first heart break and I was so mad someone had hurt him! I was laughing at myself because it was my daughter who broke his heart!
Then I thought about when he's older, and in love and his heart is broken for the first time and I teared up, for both of them. The pain of heartache is indescribable and so very unique from any other kind of pain. I wanted, in that instance, to make a silent promise that I would protect them from heartache, from that pain; but I can't... and after a few minutes of thinking on it, I realized I really don't want to protect them from it. It is a life altering experience, and it's something every person needs to live through. It took me to a metaphor my mom used to tell us about raising kids and the painful experiences life throws our way, and I started more and more to understand it (please keep in mind, it's a metaphor- the truck is a metaphor for pain)..... It starts when your kids are younger,you see them in the street and there is a big truck (something painful) so you run out and save them from getting hit.... a little older, you see them in the street and the truck is coming so you tell them what to do, to move, and you let them save themselves with your guidance.... then when they're in their teens you see the truck coming but you can't save them this time, so you watch as the truck (pain) hits them and you run out and help them get back up.... and lastly, when they're moving into adulthood, or are adults you see them in the street, and you see the truck coming, and you can't say anything... you watch the truck hit them, and you go to the side of the street and you encourage them, telling them you know they can do this, as they pick themselves back up....
Now I'm sure I didn't get that right, the way my mom always told us, but still, you get the idea :) It just hit me though, you know? I can't save them from all the pain the rest of their lives... I can teach them how to handle it, and that we can survive it and move forward, even when it seems all odds are against us. It was a very eye opening evening, and one of the many, many times I found myself grateful for the wisdom and knowledge my mom has always openly shared.
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